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The People's Proletariat of Silver Spring, through their advocate Comrade Doctor Cohen, are pleased to announce the ongoing improvement projects in progress on our Glorious Homeland:

Repair of Roof sheltering the People's Proletariat and their Loyal Feline Companions.
Furniture delivery is immanently expected for the pleasure and beautification of the Central Compartment (colloquially called "The Living Room"). This delivery will provide seating space for the People to repose in comfort (and, dare we say it, style).
Cleaning and maintenance of the Central Food Preparation Area (colloquially called "The Kitchen") with the intention of being able to produce meals there in the standard and style to which the People's Proletariat have been accustomed.
Reduction of plant overgrowth inward from the national borders of the People's Proletariat to the walls of the Glorious Homeland.
Continued decompression of the belongings of Comrades Cohen from their cardboard shipping containers into or onto appropriate spaces, receptacles, furniture, etc.

In Addition!
The People's Proletariat of Silver Spring, through their advocate Comrade Doctor Cohen, would like to put forward this proposed 5-Year Plan, in order of highest priority and most urgent time to lowest priority and most distant need:

Year Zero (colloquially called "2004 C.E.")

Acquisition of furniture for the pleasure and beautification of the Secondary Sleeping Compartment (colloquially called "The Guest Bedroom"), providing firm and comfortable support for prone members or guests of the People's Proletariat. It is the belief of this member of the Central Planning Committee that this task can be arranged tomorrow by Comrade Mrs. Cohen, or by both Comrades Cohen after Comrade Doctor Cohen finishes his Daily Labor on Monday July 5.

Acquisition of window treatments to shield the Glorious Homeland of excessive photonic disturbances (colloquially called "Too Much Light") as well as protecting the privacy of the People's Proletariat. Sadly, said window treatments will undoubtedly upset the Loyal Feline Companions of the People's Proletariat. Comrade Doctor Cohen continues to invite the Loyal Feline Companions to grow thumbs and contribute to the economic success of the People's Proletariat. In doing so, they will perhaps learn to meet their own needs.

Sending of informative updates via electronic packet mail and via the Glorious People's Republic Postal Service to update friends, relatives, etc. of the new location and contact information of the Glorious Homeland.

Invitation of friends, relatives, etc. to festivities celebrating the move of the Glorious Homeland.

Inspection of the air conditioning unit and dehumidifier belonging to Comrades Pollack and Baranoff, for determining whether or not their portable units are a suitable addition to the Glorious Homeland.

Acquisition of services of Comrade Levy (independently recommended by two separate sources) to install ceiling fans, replace wiring, and perform other electrical repairs (up to and including these other items, which are lower priorities and not necessarily part of Year Zero planning: main panel old, no main disconnect. Bad GFI in bath. Breaker for kitchen outlets off. Sump pump outlet wiring exposed.)
In addition, these other two electrical problems were noted, although it may be that Comrade Abramson has already inspected and approved of these fixtures. Failing that, Comrade Levy's services should be retained to inspect, repair, and replace said fixtures while performing his other duties: wire to lamp on retaining wall improperly protected, wire to side yard light strangely routed.
Comrade Sisson recommended that we replace & add smoke detectors. Comrade Cohen also recommends a C02 detector. Comrade Cohen shall inspect the existing units and determine their powered status. Units that can be returned to functioning by having batteries replaced will be so serviced; units that need to be replaced shall be replaced. Suggestions were made to add said units to the power supply of our Glorious Homeland; if so, the services of Comrade Levy will again be needed.

Acquisition of services of a suitable HVAC technician (perhaps Comrade Varvounis) to inspect, evaluate, and service the heating system of the Glorious Homeland of the People's Proletariat (colloquially called "The Furnace"). This should be completed prior to the end of the month of Elul and the subsequent New Year's Celebrations that immediately follow.

Acquisition of services of a suitable technician to inspect, price, and repair the retaining wall adjacent to the parking facilities of the Glorious Homeland (colloquially called "The Driveway"). This too needs to be completed on the same schedule as the above item.

Acquisition of services of Comrade Abramson to determine what repair tasks he feels he will be best suited to completing, and a time and cost schedule for said tasks. Reevaluation of the priorities of this Five-Year Plan will then commence. This may include his correction of the ceiling damage in the "Living Room" over bumpout, or the lowering of said item's priority to later in the 5 year plan.

Acquisition of additional bookshelves to store and display the collected respective libraries of Comrade Doctor and Comrade Mrs. Cohen. Discussion of size and placement of said bookshelves to commence immediately.

Preliminary stages of the Main Floor Personal Hygiene Facilities (colloquially called "The Master Bathroom" to update said facilities to modern standards. After determination of a design and costs, reevaluation of this item's priority in the Five-Year plan will then follow.

Year One (colloquially called "2005 C.E.")

Acquisition of services of Comrade Varvounis to make recommendations and pricing on a system to supply cooling to the Glorious Homeland of the People's Proletariat (colloquially called "Central Air Conditioning"). This should be completed before Spring 2005.

Preliminary stages of the Modernization and Beautification Process that focus on the Central Food Preparation Area. After determination of a design and costs, reevaluation of this items' priority in the Five-Year plan will then follow.

After Spring 2005 begins, Modernization of the Heated Aqueous Potable Dihydrogen Monoxide Dispenser (colloquially called "The Water Heater") should begin with the purchase of a modern unit by Comrades Cohen and installation of said unit by Comrade Abramson.

Year Two (colloquially called "2006 C.E.")

Modernization and Beautification to commence in full force in the Subterranean Living Area (colloquially called "The Basement", with special focus on repairing or replacing the facilities in the Subterranean Personal Hygiene Facilities (colloquially called "The Basement Bath") and the Subterranean Subsidiary Food Preparation Area (colloquially called "The Basement Kitchen"). Full Modernization and Beautification may be beyond the scope of this Five-Year Plan.

Year Three (colloquially called "2007 C.E.")

Modernization and Beautification planning to commence on the as-yet undesigned Upper Residential Area (currently designated "The Walk-Up Attic"). Planning to include installation of Personal Hygiene Facilities as well as a sleeping compartment and additional facilities to be determined at a later stage.

Year Four (colloquially called "2008 C.E.")

Completion of any existing plans

Year Five (colloquially called "2009 C.E.")

Nervous breakdown and/or total physical collapse due to exhaustion. Sanitarium and/or spa treatment to follow.


( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 4th, 2004 05:52 pm (UTC)
You're a nutbar.
Jul. 4th, 2004 05:52 pm (UTC)
Yes, he is. We talked last night about writing out a five year plan, but I didn't expect gibberish in return. I hope he realizes that I only read the first few lines....
Jul. 4th, 2004 06:34 pm (UTC)
I regret to inform you that that was, in fact, written in English.
Jul. 4th, 2004 07:03 pm (UTC)
Indeed it was, but I was more interested in an enumerated list, rather than silly, rambly prose. Though on a second glance, this was sorta funny. He's still weird.
Jul. 4th, 2004 07:13 pm (UTC)
You just noticed? ;)
Having a happy fourth? We thought of you yesterday. It was a Judaism (kashrut, actually) question.
Jul. 4th, 2004 07:34 pm (UTC)
I'm having a somewhat productive fourth, so I suppose that makes it happy. What was your kashrut question?
Jul. 4th, 2004 11:54 pm (UTC)
Does mixing two kosher foods make them treyf (traif?) or is that called something different? Like for example, cheese on a hamburger. If they're not treyf to begin with do they become 'treyf'.
Jul. 5th, 2004 12:29 am (UTC)
Karen's out running errands. I can answer that one.

Milk + Meat = BAD.

Once we get past that simple statement, it starts to get really complex. For example, a fast and loose interpretation of "meat" leaves out a food substance known as "chicken". Apparently, chicken is not meat. (I personally hold that it's a vegetable.) The truth of the matter, of course, is that people treat it as meat because it's certainly not a milk product.

After you follow the logic for a while, all the little wrinkles in your brain smooth out. It's sort of relaxing.

And your terminology is correct. I have accidentally treyfed one of our meat plates by putting a milk dish on it. I wouldn't have treyfed it if the milk dish were cold (heat is required to transfer properties) but it was a hot dish. And so it goes.
Jul. 5th, 2004 12:33 am (UTC)
You didn't answerrrrrrrr! I know that you can mess up your dishes like that - what I would like to know is if the actual term for mixing milk and meat dishes = treyf, (as some things are inherently treyf), of if there is a different name for it. Like, Bob.
Jul. 5th, 2004 01:11 am (UTC)
Yeah, apparently one of my big flaws is not answering questions correctly.

Treif is the term. Doesn't matter how you spell it.
Jul. 5th, 2004 01:23 am (UTC)
I'm gonna poke you in the eye.
Jul. 5th, 2004 02:24 am (UTC)
Mixing two kosher meat products, or mixing two kosher dairy products does not render them treif. However, mixing meat and dairy in the same dish, regardless of whether the individual ingredients were kosher to begin with, renders the dish treif.

Does that answer your question?
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 4th, 2004 06:42 pm (UTC)
I second this, Comrade Slitterst.
Jul. 4th, 2004 09:22 pm (UTC)
Labor in the Glorious Homeland of the People's Proletariat of Silver Spring is a Matter of Honor, Courage and Heroism! Forward into the Future!

(Yes, comrades like capital letters.)
Jul. 5th, 2004 12:30 am (UTC)
You Are Absolutely Correct, Comrade!
I Agree With You Whole-Heartedly!
Jul. 5th, 2004 01:58 am (UTC)
You are too funny. Good luck w/ all the plans. Of course you forgot an action item for Year Zero:

Retrieve various items currently stored in Subterranean Living Areas (colloquially called basements) from assorted Comrades of the People's Proletariat (colloquially called friends).

Seriously though, take whatever time you need before getting your stuff, I just couldn't resist adding the action item. :-)
Jul. 5th, 2004 02:32 am (UTC)
I was going to call you tomorrow (Monday, July 5) to see when would be a good time to retrieve said items. (I'm off work tomorrow, or can stop by after work most days this week)

On the other hand, it may be a better idea to have you bring them by so you can see the new digs. ;)
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )