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I'm likely, during the period of time of 5:30pm and 7:30pm, to be trying to get the baby to sleep. I have called my telephone company (they're a full service, family company: La Cosa Nostra Telecommunications) to get a new telephone feature added.

The service? No, not Caller ID. We already have that. No, not Call Block. No, this is a much more active feature: Call Insurance. Any telephone calls received during this two hour period will be traced, and a car full of Mafia thugs will be sent to the caller's house to gently reason with the people who made the call. Tonight's callers got off light: only their fingers and their jaws were broken. This prevents both dialed calls and voice calls. Repeated callers receive the special "Dirtnap" service. Do I need to be more clear?


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 11th, 2004 11:57 pm (UTC)
Ok, and exactly how do I sign up for this phone companies' services??
Nov. 12th, 2004 12:51 am (UTC)
You gotta know a guy
I don't do "work", but I have a friend who does. Want me to put you in touch with him?
Nov. 12th, 2004 12:15 am (UTC)
...and just how do you expect that child to sleep with Metallica playing? lol
Nov. 12th, 2004 12:53 am (UTC)
He sleeps through anything
Getting him to sleep is tough...except in the car. He'll even fall asleep to Metallica in the car. It's a tough baby life.
Nov. 12th, 2004 12:58 am (UTC)
Re: He sleeps through anything
Hey, my first baby would ONLY sleep if I played Ozzy.
Nov. 12th, 2004 01:10 am (UTC)
You have a foot, use it...
Lemme see, you could kick the receiver off the hook when you don't want to be called....

Of course it may make that loud eeert-eert-eert sound, so then you would need to use more than your foot...

You could kick the receiver off the hook and then bend down and unplug the handset so that you couldn't hear the eert-eert-eert...

You could turn down the ringers...

You could just not answer the phone, if its just about the destraction...

Hey, wait a minute... WHAT'S YOUR BABY DOING WITH A PHONE IN IT'S ROOM? I didn't get an extension near my room till I was old enough to wire it my own d*** self...

Your baby is _very_ precocious if it can already wire up an extension all by itself...

You must be very proud...

I should call him about my electricians....

What's his number? And you have already given us the time frame where he is most likely to be near a phone...



P.S. there is a feature offered by Quest where you can put a cerfew (sp?) on a phone so that it won't take incomming calls during a particular period.
Nov. 12th, 2004 05:05 am (UTC)
Re: You have a foot, use it...
Julian is VERY precocious. We are very proud. :)
Nov. 12th, 2004 02:31 am (UTC)
So, calling you at 3:15 AM is still OK?

*sets alarm*
Nov. 12th, 2004 03:35 am (UTC)
Have you considered an answering machine? Most people really wouldn't have any reason to suspect that this is a bad time to call, after all. (I try not to call parents of very small children after about 8:00, because I know that interferes with bed-time. Not that I have a personal stake in this, as I've never called you, but I'm just sayin'.)
(no subject) - fheyd - Nov. 12th, 2004 04:31 am (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 12th, 2004 05:02 am (UTC)
If I asked him that, he'd tell me to use my nose, or take inspiration from My Left Foot, assuming that those don't get busted just for spite. But then again, he might decide to have my arms and legs broken just because I think some of his puns are too much of a reach.

He's got a maniacal grin. You can never really tell with those types. :)
Nov. 12th, 2004 05:06 am (UTC)
I'll kill him if he lays a finger on you. Most nights we're both here when the baby is being put to sleep, so there's usually someone around to answer the phone. You call ANYTIME you want, sweetie. Don't listen to my thug of a husband.
Nov. 12th, 2004 11:18 am (UTC)
Wow, talk about a fun filled night. I would get to talk to Seth, hear the baby and play terminal hide and seek while dialing and driving. Thanks Ol' buddy, your always looking out for us.

*sniff sniff* it just so touching....
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )