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The search for inner peace has ended

This worked for me, and it might work for you. We could all use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard from a talk show, I have finally found inner peace.

The show host proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off all the things you've started."

So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished. So, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of wine, a bottle of scotch, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the last of the Xanax and Ambien, the remainder of the cheesecake, some animal crackers, and sent the last of our best chocolates to their final resting place, my stomach. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.

Comments

cellio
Dec. 20th, 2004 01:02 pm (UTC)
That's great! Can you come over here and finish up some stuff for us too? We've got some okra, and some stale bread, and some wine that turned out to be too dry, and some beer that's way too heavy on hops.

sethcohen
Dec. 20th, 2004 01:09 pm (UTC)
I don't believe you
There is no such thing as too much hops in beer.
cellio
Dec. 20th, 2004 03:01 pm (UTC)
Re: I don't believe you
Ok, next time you come to visit I know how to prioritize the beer offerings. Despite my best efforts, I usually end up with an IPA or something else abysmal from the beer club. It's the price of getting the good stuff in less than case lots.