May 9th, 2010

Go Die!

Sandra Boynton's Dinos to Go

With apologies to George Carlin, who did something similar for the Seven Dwarfs.

Zoomer: Totally ADHD. Recommend stimulants (e.g. amphetamines) to bring her back to level.
Dozy: narcoleptic as the day is long. Recommend Provigil to add a bit of consciousness.
Hey-Ho-Howdy: bipolar, heavy on the manic. We'll fling a little lithium his way & see what happens.
Sob: major depression. Prozac or your SSRI of choice.
Snort: No actual problems, but a real dick. We'll slip some Haldol in the next ice cream he steals & see if he mellows out.
Tremble: anxiety disorder. We'll start with BuSpar & see how things go.
Smooch: Smooch is way too level. She also doesn't seem to have a job. I'm thinking she bought Pfizer stock 65 million years ago and is living off the dividends.

This, folks, is what happens when I read children's books too often. I also wonder if the truck driver in the Berenstein Bears book "Inside Outside Upside Down" could get charged with cubnapping. But I digress.
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