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A quick note

There's too much to write about, and not enough time to do it. I'd like to post something of substance, but this'll have to do.



Nov. 10th, 2002 05:11 am (UTC)
Re: Conquest of the eastern Seaboard
Have the snakes only attack downhill. That way the teflon is an advantage.

Import all of our checkers from San Francisco or Gay Paris. That'll teach 'em.

I recommend promotions for all in the hedgehog brigade. Fascinating work. In the meantime, recruit more mercenaries disguised as orange traffic barrels. They blend in so well, and will be able to discourage troop movements on this nation's highways.

Keep up the good work, General. I look forward to your next report.
Nov. 11th, 2002 09:01 am (UTC)
Re: Conquest of the eastern Seaboard

Excellent suggestion about the Traffic barrels, sir. Our forces are now out in force throughout the eastern corridor, each armed with a can of paint, to help redirect traffic patterns in entirely chaotic ways. Soon we should be able to expand from the corridor, possibly down the stairs, and maybe sneak a quick bite through the Kitchen.

The teflon snakes are performing marvelously, however there have been complaints of headaches among the troops. Request permission to distribute new "spring loaded" helmets to all snake troopers, for cushioning the impact.

Also, we are having some trouble with the southern front. It seems the enemy is exploiting our coconut weakness, and are gripping them by the husks... Plus, they are demoralizing our troops by clapping 2 halves of coconut together, making it sound like they have a truly mighty army. The peasants are revolting, and they're not too happy either.

I will report more as battle progresses.

Fomenting chaos among the chaos (but at least, it's ordered chaos)
General Disarray.
Nov. 11th, 2002 09:08 am (UTC)
Re: Conquest of the eastern Seaboard
Followup to last message:

I forgot to mention the successes of our Secret Weapon Assault / Combat Troops - Hedgehog (SWATCH) brigade. Apparently they have infiltrated stores across the country, and are secretly planning on altering our opponents time stream, in an attempt to disorganize their movements. So far, they have been successful, as no 2 keep the same time, even when properly synchronized.

Stil eschewing obfuscation

General Disarray
Nov. 11th, 2002 06:09 pm (UTC)
Re: Conquest of the eastern Seaboard
Good job. It was time for the SWATCH brigade.

Nov. 11th, 2002 06:08 pm (UTC)
Re: Conquest of the eastern Seaboard
But please watch out for the carnivorous blancmanges. And the grannies. And the baby snatchers. But I digress.

Helmets approved. As well as rubber cement. And little chocolate donuts. Mmm...donuts.

As for the coconut situation, I have reassigned Col. Jones, Gen. Gilliam, Cap. Chapman, Ensign Idle and Corporal Cleese to aid you. I think you'll approve of the violence inherent in the system.

Good luck, and may Eris be playing with your enemies.

Nov. 19th, 2002 07:22 am (UTC)
Re: Conquest of the eastern Seaboard

Excellent news sir! The pythonites have brought a troupe of rabid squirrels with them, who saw the coconuts and went even wilder. We scored a tremendous victory over our enemy. They seem rather good at this sort of thing, even if they tend to walk strangely...

Plus, the snake boys have recommended that we support "Kevin Phillips BONG" (the slightly silly candidate) in the next election. I told them that they were a few weeks late with that, but it's ok. Apparently they wanted to add it as a write in during the re-re-re-count.

In other news, the advance hedgehogs have reported that the enemy are mobilizing the wildebeast contingent, and may try to bring forth a Stampede over our troops. I have assigned more traffic cones with additional paint, so we can redirect the herd over nearby cliffs, or even back at our opponent. Plus, we now have a large contingent of street signs in our arsenal. We can not only redirect traffic, we can set up signs to cause others to get traffic citations (running stop signs, wrong way on 1 way streets, etc...). The current plan is to set up a 1 way dead end street, and direct the enemy troops there.

Doughnuts were a hearty morale boost sir! Thank you sir! More info as it becomes available...

Going down in all the right ways,
General Disarray
Nov. 19th, 2002 08:33 am (UTC)
Re: Conquest of the eastern Seaboard
I'm pleased with the news suppression you have performed. I've heard no news at all, aside from you! Your stealth capabilities are quite impressive.

Tell the snakes "no problem", and ask them to clear up my plumbing problems for me if they get a free minute.

I will be having Secret Agent Sam "The Butcher" contact you regarding cost-effective wildebeest disposal. When he calls, he will identify himself as "Alice's husband". He's a mean man with a cleaver, so don't get on his bad side.

Looking forward to your next progress report. Keep up the chaotic work.